Motivation

I really want to work hard, I do. I won't say I try all the time because I know I don't. I need that motivation, that burst of will, where can I find that? I need to remind myself that the will and the motivation is already in me, I just need to recognize it. I see it sometimes, and sometimes I don't. I watched the movie, ''The Spectacular Now,'' like just a few minutes ago and I feel motivated already. It's a great movie and there's this one song at the end of the movie that I just suddenly fall in love with. It's the song that's getting me to type here, I know I haven't in a long time and I feel like I really should.
song: click here, it's really nice c;

Last week, at school, the speakers announced people who got into really good colleges. I thought to myself, ''Wow, I wish I could be one of those names that are mentioned when I'm a senior.'' I think I really could. I just need to work hard and not get sidetracked. I want to do it.

So, this is my goal. To get in one of those big name colleges and be mentioned as an important person somewhere, anywhere. I want to start listing my goals, just so they can be clear to me.

GOAL: A good college and to be mentioned as someone important, motivational, anything.

Living In the Moment

''Just because you're breathing, doesn't mean you're alive.'' -Tablo

I've thought about this quote for a while questioned what I'm doing with my life at this moment. I'm on the computer 24/7, I procrastinate all my homework, eat, sleep, and then I realized I'm not doing much right now. I hear old people say how life feels like it's passing slow right now but when I grow up and look back, it seemed to short to enjoy.

 I want to get used to this lifestyle of thinking that each day is important and each day is a new beginning. I want to improve on something each day, no matter what it is. To think that today is bad, feel better knowing I have tomorrow to improve. I'm trying to be more grateful of everything, seeing the little things and enjoying every bit of it. I don't want to just breathe, be sad about everything and dwell on the past, I want to actually be something. I admit, I usually take stuff for granted and I will try not to. Forget greed, jealousy, anger, or just simple stuff I shouldn't be involved in. I just want to make more out of myself and be the best person I can be. Hopefully, the stuff I wrote down today will stick with me and I will go by my word.

“Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This new day is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on the yesterdays.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Collected Poems and Translations

Thanks to everyone and everything that made me who I am today. I am grateful and will improve myself will not let anything throw me down.
I'm feeling more alive already.

The Little Things

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day so we had no school. Yay for that three day weekend (; ! Anyways, I decided to go out and just chill with my friend for a while since I had nothing at home to do but play on my computer. She arrived at my house and we walked to Sweet Town. The walk was nice, we talked about stuff and it wasn't at all boring. We tried some new desserts at Sweet Town and I have to say it was uhh not as good as I thought it would be. It was fine though, we had come for the food but was content with just hanging out with each other.

 I think my friend opened up to me more today. She's usually quiet and it seems like she created a wall for herself, a huge wall that seemed impossible to get through or too high to climb over. She got a new phone and she let me see her pictures. I was surprised, most people didn't like letting other people go through their gallery(coughme) and she voluntarily let me skim through it. She had quite a bit of pictures of me, even from three years ago. I'm surprised she kept them. I think I got to know her way more today that I ever did in all the years that I've known her, and trust me, that's a lot of years. I've known her since pre-school. She's actually quite girly and always needs something to entertain her.

 I think she's a really good friend, listening to me all the time though I know myself that I am annoying. This friend, wow she is a great listener. Most likely because she never shares anything about herself so the only conversation you can talk about is yourself. She told me about her crush. I was so happy, not because she had a crush but she actually told me something like that. She didn't tell me the name but just letting me know she had a little something something for a guy just made me a step closer to getting to know her fully. There's more I want to know about though. Usually, she's emotionless but after I brought her to this mountain I've hiked up when I was little, she told me about her emotions. How she frequently visits that mountain and likes venting out her stress, crying, or maybe just sitting on the side because she's bored. She used this place as a comfort area and I introduced her to this place so I felt warm inside. She told me that when she was angry or stressed, she'd usually hide in her closet and hug her teddy bear but now she finally has a place to just breathe and think everything through. 

I sat on that tiny wall and looked out at the vast area. I felt at peace too. It wasn't quite pretty, with all the smoke polluting the air, cars polluting the area, the white and old crummy buildings. Though it wasn't quite pretty, the vastness of it just made it hard to look away. I never really liked small and enclosed spaces so this was really awesome for me. I would enjoy a clear field that stretched miles beyond but I guess this was as close to seeing far beyond and I think this is just enough for me to enjoy. I think I'll come here more often and hope this place will be special to my friend too. I had a great today hope that every other day I have will be wonderful as well.